One of the things about being a blogger is that by its very nature, blogging forces you to try to convey your thoughts in as few words as possible. With young people today so occupied with social media, who has time to read some old fool’s ramblings about “stuff?” Yes. I consider myself to be one of the “old” fools. But even an old fool can learn to leave the past behind and, as we used to say back in the stone age (that period before this thing known as the interweb) and get with, as we used to say, “the program.”
Recently the students at a state university added another word to their “bias free language guide” causing the university president to remove the site. Now for those of you who are not getting with the program, the BFLG is, and I took this from a news article1 regarding their website, a “resource…detailing the university’s efforts to create an inclusive, diverse and equitable community…meant to serve as a ‘starting point’ to encourage critical thinking about terms commonly used in conversation and writing.”
Basically it’s the students efforts to say in ten words what could be said in one! Take for instance the term senior citizen. Simple enough to understand that an “individual apparently in an advanced stage in the time line of life’s cycle,” (see I’m getting with the program) is old. Their new phrase; people of advanced age. Or how about American? That’s out also, replaced by U.S. Citizen or Resident of the U.S.2
With this in mind, and not wanting to be accused of “not getting with the program,” cONTEMPORARY mUSINGS has come up with its own list of words that should be altered to meet today’s rigid rules for “talking” and writing. Being an individual apparently in an advanced stage in the time line of life’s cycle, I want to show the world that this “life cycle time line advanced canine creature aint gonna be emotionally content reclining under the front appendage of the wood frame residential structure.”
So, here we go. You don’t have to thank me, I’m always glad to advance the study of the king’s English.
COMMON WORDS WE SHOULD NO LONGER USE AND THEIR NEW DESCRIPTIONS
HOUSE – Structural entity sheltering primarily human beings.
AUTOMOBILE- Self propelled vehicle, guided under the auspices of a totally autonomous creature.
SUPERMARKET- Structure using the exchange of legal tender for articles of necessary physical nourishment for both humans and other creatures.
UNIVERSITY-A community comprised of a myriad of institutions furthering the advancement of human knowledge
POLICEMAN/POLICEWOMAN-An individual selected from available humans in any community to protect said community from evil influences and occurrences which said community members individually are incapable of performing unaided.
JOB-A task or collection of tasks necessary to accomplish a pre-determined goal.
ELECTION-A process conducted at regular intervals to select individuals which will govern a particular political entity.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS- A system in which intelligent individuals stray from rational thought patterns in an attempt to appease certain segments of a diverse political entity governed by other individuals whose cranial appendage is inserted in their lower gastrointestinal cavity.
Now as an enlightened reader, I challenge you to put all of the new suggested usages for the corresponding “obsolete” words in a collection of ideas conveying concise meaning (Sentence). I convey my thoughts of good fortune to you in that challenge (Good luck).
I am most gratified to you for detouring from your daily routine to visually scan this blog (Thank you for stopping by).
BLOGGER’S NOTE: If you’ve gotten this far, you might want to check out a post I made back in December of 2012 titled “Pompousposity and Ostentatiousnous Gone Awry“. It deals with more of my suggestions for using more words than necessary.
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