A GROVE OF ONE

ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE
ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE

 

No, you’re not misreading the title.

“How can He have a grove of one of anything?” you might ask. And it would be a valid question. Only in this case, if I didn’t title this posting a “Grove of One”, I wouldn’t have any material for a blog posting.

Let me explain. Many moons ago when my wife and I built our first new home there weren’t any trees in the front yard. This in our estimation was a travesty. The house was built in the middle of what was once a cow pasture and it was barren of such adornments. The builder placed one Bradford Pear tree out front, but if you know anything about these trees, they are not shade trees by any means. We were heart sick because we both were used to having mature trees in the front of our homes.

LESSONS HARD LEARNED

One Saturday morning, shortly after we moved in, two men in a pickup truck were driving through our neighborhood loaded down with trees for sale. A God send, we thought. They came to the front door, explained their proposition, we haggled, and shortly thereafter we agreed to buy five oak trees along with their installation and a one year warranty that if they died, they would be replaced free of charge.

They planted all five to our satisfaction, we paid them and they went along their merry way. Unfortunately three of the trees died within a few weeks. Try as we did, we couldn’t get in touch with the sellers to have them replaced. A year later, however, we did finally get in touch with the nephew of one of the men and he agreed to cover his uncle’s promise. So much for buying trees off of the back of a truck. Funny thing is when you do buy something off of the back of a truck and there is a problem with the product, the store probably won’t be there when you need it! Later one of the replacement trees also died. We gave up!

You would have thought that we had learned our lesson with that experience. HA! Would you be wrong! The next tree we bought was from a roadside fruit stand. This time it was a Lime tree. KEY LIME TREEYou see, I have this fantasy about going out in my back yard and harvesting fresh fruit whenever I want. It too died. Again, shortly after this incident, the fruit stand closed up shop and is now a deserted shed.

“Okay, Jay.” You might say, “You learned your lesson after that one, right?” HA! You would be wrong again! And I would say to you, “Stop it now! I hate it when you’re wrong.”

Several years later we were on a road trip to visit family and stopped at a road side fruit stand where a man was selling peaches from, you guessed it, the back of a truck. He sliced off a couple of pieces of peach from his inventory, gave it to us, and they were delicious! “Give us a bag!” we exclaimed. “Gladly, good sir!” he replied. We got in the car and drove away. Several miles down the road we decided to sample our latest purchase from a fine gentleman such as he. Do you remember one of the words of disgust that Charles Schultz’s Charlie Brown used when he was dissatisfied? I think it went something like “GAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!” We we both went “GAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!” They were uber tart, almost inedible. By this time we were too far down the road to turn back to demand a refund of our money. We had been bamboozled by a redneck.

Fortunately I was able to salvage this most unfortunate of procurements. I went to the web, found a peach pie recipe, assembled the ingredients and baked a most delicious confectionery delight. But not without copious amounts of good natured jeering and derision from our son-in-law, who by the way, is an award winning chef and restaurateur!

DON’T YOU JUST LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS?

The story does not end here however. Sometime later, after removing the remnants of the above ill-fated Lime tree, I decided I just had to have another go at being a citrus farmer. You know hope springs eternal and all that sort of rot.

Only difference, this time I did not buy a tree from a man and his truck nor some non existent road side fruit vendor. I bought it at a big box store with a receipt, a one year warranty, a website and an 800 telephone help line! Here’s where the chorus of angels breaks out into “HALLELUJAH.”

I planted the tree per instructions, (yes, I do need and read those stinkin’ instructions). And now every so often I stroll through my Grove of One and survey my Key Lime crop.Immature Key lime

TOO BAD WE GET TOO SMART TOO LATE

SO NOW I NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM THE BACK OF A TRUCK; THE STORE MIGHT NOT BE THERE TOMORROW TO TAKE CARE OF ANY PROBLEMS.

Yes, now I have now learned my lesson! (Once again the chorus of angels once again breaks out into “HALLELUJAH.”)

Jay

PHOTO CREDIT: TREE Lime Trees, J. Boudreaux

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2 thoughts on “A GROVE OF ONE

  1. There’s a home improvement guy on radio here who constantly is saying, “Don’t deal with a Chuck in a truck!” Isn’t that just the truth?

    I have a grove of one, myself: one lone little ficus tree on my balcony. Now, I’m waiting to see if the wasp spray I used on the two nests that were being built in its inner branches is going to make it drop its leaves. No matter. The tree can grow more leaves. I was more interested in dropping the wasps.

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