Well folks, I have to apologize in advance for this posting. If you are familiar with the history of this blog, I try to give an unbiased look at life in general. Unfortunately sometimes that means that I have to turn the keys to the padded room over to a long time acquaintance who is anything but “unbiased.”
My old pal Randy Looney tracked me down when he saw that I was once again “littering cyberspace” (his words, not mine) with comments on “trivial crap that he wouldn’t waste his time on” (again, his words not mine.)
So, in keeping with cONTEMPORARY mUSINGS liberalative policy, I give the hammer over to Looney so that he can bang the heck out of this piece of iron while it’s hot.
Thank you Jay. Oooops! That smarts! I grabbed the iron and not the hammer. What the heck is that suppose that mean, anyway, SMARTS? There sure isn’t enough of those around these days, that’s for sure! Especially with all of those clowns running for president. You’d think it was free popcorn day at the circus or something with everybody and his brother, or sister as it may be, declaring that they want to turn this country around. None of ’em could turn this thing around even if they had Paul Bunyan sitting on top of Jumbo the elephant, sitting on top of his big blue ox. Besides, we wouldn’t want to rile the folks over at PETA and having them think that old Looney’s promoting cruelty to non-existent animals, now would we.
Take this nut case Donald Trump. I looked up the history of the name Trump and it comes from the Slovanian word for “mouth.” Just think, you put a trump-et to your mouth to “blow hard”, you use your mouth to bring trump-ed up charges against someone in public, and you yell out “Aha! I got your cheatin’ butt! I win this hand.” when you trump your opponent playing Pinochle. I think you catch my drift.
They used to call Ted Turner “the mouth of the south” in his younger America’s Cup days. Today we’d call Trump the mouth of the north, but that wouldn’t rhyme. We’ll have to think of something good that rhymes.
So this got me thinking about the campaign and I couldn’t help but think of Mr. Blow hard himself and what it would be like if he were elected president. But I’m pushing eighty and probably don’t have that long to waste on him. So I thought, since David Letterman retired, who do we have to do a real good “Top Ten List” nowadays? Naturally I thought of myself. I think you’d agree with me on that one.
WITH APOLOGIES TO LETTERMAN
So, here it is:
LOONEY’S TOP TEN REASONS WHY DONALD TRUMP
WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT!
10. WHEN ELECTED, WOULD FEEL COMPELLED TO BUY LAND NORTH OF WASHINGTON D.C. … CANADA
9. WOULD CHOOSE BILL O’REILLY FOR PRESS SECRETARY. WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM NAME WOULD OFFICIALLY BE CHANGED TO “THE NO SPIN ZONE”
8. THE WHITE HOUSE WOULD BE MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY … TRUMP TOWERS
7. SOCIAL SECURITY WOULD BE PRIVATIZED AND ADMINISTRATION WOULD BE MOVED TO THE TAJ MAHAL CASINO IN ATLANTIC CITY
6. THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WOULD BE CHANGED TO “WE SHALL OVER COMB”
5. GERALDO RIVERA WOULD BE NEW SECRETARY OF DEFENCE
4. HIS FIRST ADDRESS TO A JOINT SESSION OF CONGRESS WOULD BEGIN WITH THE WORDS “YOU’RE FIRED!”
3. HIS ENTIRE TIME IN OFFICE WOULD BE PRODUCED BY MARK BURNETT AND DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG
2. THE OFFICE OF THE VICE PRESIDENT WOULD BE CHANGED TO “THE APPRENTICE”
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY DONALD TRUMP WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT
1. NOBODY WOULD GIVE A TRUTHFUL ANSWER TO THE QUESTION “DOES THIS COMB OVER MAKE MY HEAD LOOK FAT?”
So there you have it. I’d give my views on why Hillary’s presidency wouldn’t be a good thing, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. We all know that we wouldn’t want our grandmothers being president now would we!
BLOGGER’S NOTE: RANDY APPEARED THROUGH THE GOODNESS OF HIS HEART AND A VERY LIBERAL, EASILY BRIBED SECURITY GUARD AT THE DAISY HILL RETIREMENT HOME IN EAST PISCATAWAY, NEW JERSEY.
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