If you are a serious follower of cONTEMPORARY mUSINGS, you must know by now that I am always on the lookout for ways to inform, educate and warn my readers about the dangers of life. You must also know that you need professional help . . . not that I’m a professional by any means mind you, don’t get me wrong. What I mean is that you sometimes need to know about things that you may have overlooked in your day to day life and really need to know about.
We have all gotten the e-mail or e-mails containing pictures and literature describing the do’s and don’ts of using products readily available over the counter at the local pharmacy or hardware store. You know the one on children’s cough syrup that warns against operating heavy equipment while taking the medication. And without hesitation you advise your three-year old that you are taking away her keys to the bulldozer until her cold is gone. Yup! That’s the one I’m talking about.
But as you also know, millions of products are introduced onto the market annually that may have slipped by you because you are so busy making sure that your teen is not using the hair dryer while showering. It is with this in mind that I offer you this update on some current and, some older products, that you might have missed. You are welcomed.
NOTE: I DID NOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP. I WISH I HAD, THOUGH.
THINGS THAT NEED YOUR ATTENTION
The public in general is probably not aware that annually thousands of children and adults that act like children choke to death because they misuse one of the most common household tools known to mankind. the “WIRE COAT HANGER.” So don’t let this happen to you.
I GANT BREED, I GANT BREED!
- A TRAGEDY JUST HANGING AROUND WAITING TO HAPPEN
XXXX RATED MUST BE AT LEAST 12 YEARS OLD TO READ THE FOLLOWING
Puberty can do strange things to young men entering manhood. I know, I was once… never mind. What with hair beginning to show up in strange places, changes in the vocal tones and of course raging, out of control hormones in other areas of the body, what’s a parent to do? With this in mind, I feel it impingent upon me to include the following picture. WARNING: The picture you are about to see may be too graphic for young people under the age of twelve, parental discretion is advised! (Mainly because you don’t need to give your little genius any ideas).
CAUTION: ONLY PEOPLE FROM AUSTRALIA SHOULD IGNORE THIS WARNING
I know the heading doesn’t make much sense. But when you think about it, it makes perfect sense!
Their words not mine:
Some people say Americans’ love of suing the crap out of each other is a bad thing, but if it wasn’t for that litigious spirit our warning signs and product disclaimers would be far less entertaining. No matter how ridiculous they may seem, remember that at some point in time, someone did something to make each of these signs necessary.
Remember the lady who sued McDonald’s over the HOT coffee she spilled in her lap?
THIS ONE DESERVES SOME CUTTING REMARKS
If you go to the TSA website, you will find a list of items that are not allowed as carry-on luggage when boarding a commercial airliner. The reason – try to make a 911 call to get an ambulance at 35,000 feet for an accident with the following:
DO NOT OPERATE CHAINSAW WHILE THE AIRCRAFT IS IN FLIGHT AND YOU ARE NAPPING
HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW. SOMEONE MIGHT LIKE IT!
This one gives new meaning to the song “Pop Goes The Weasel”
THERE’S ALWAYS A POOL PARTY POOPER POOPING ON OUR POOL PARTY
Now here’s one that makes me want to come back to this guy’s place for a pool party!
NAH! THAT’S JUST A BABY RUTH FLOATING IN THE WATER!
Well, there you have it folks. Another attempt at buying respectability in the world of “bloggery.” As always, I hope that I have accomplished my goal of informing and educating my readers. And, as always, If you like what you’ve seen tell your friend, if not, you need to get more than one friend!.
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