nEWs, OR nOT!

NOOOOO!!!!! . . . PLEASE, NOT MY NOSE!

What with the stock market going berzerkas, tornadoes touching down, earthquakes and hurricanes on the east coast and Kim Kardashian getting married, you have to find your laughs where you can get them.  The picture of Zack Ward is real, the story isn’t, but I couldn’t resist having fun SNL style with it.  The others are real news.  I Hope you enjoy and ol’ Scut don’t want to punch me in the nose.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

WHY DON’T YOU COME UP AND SEE ME SOMETIME?

Zack Ward who played the neighborhood bully Scut Farkus in
the perennial favorite “A Christmas Story” was photographed recently in
what looked like he was looking up the skirt of  a one legged woman
wearing fishnet stockings.

In reality it was the “major prize” leg lamp from the
movie.  When asked about the picture  Ward said he thought that he was helping an old  lady up the stairs.

POOPS!

Researchers have found a
bacteria in the air above two major U.S. cities that closely resembles bacteria
found in dog feces. Researchers say bacteria is in the air above most U.S.
cities, but the two cities stood out because of the similarity to dog feces.

Now in addition to cow flatulence we have to  worry about dog poop!

YEAH RIGHT, I DO IT ALL THE TIME!

Actress Ann Hathaway has revealed that she got caught on
camera flashing her bum at her co-star Jim Sturgess.

The 28-year-old actress was filming her latest movie “One Day”
in Scotland when she decided that it would be a good idea to pull her pants
down and flash her leading man, not realizing that she was being watched by
fans with camera phones.

She told the Daily Star, ‘I decided to moon
Jim after one take, and I thought, ‘Oh this will be great’ – because he was
running towards me and the whole crew was behind me – and I thought that none
of the crew will see it and only Jim.

‘So I did it and was feeling really good
about myself until I realized we were shooting on a street in Scotland and
every single resident of the building we were shooting in front of was filming
us.

‘But the Scots are nice (and haven’t posted
the footage online)… They have manners and they are discreet. I’m so
grateful.’

Well, I can understand.  Ms Hathaway is so homely looking and just a so, so actress.  I can see where she would have to pull off a lame publicity stunt like this for attention.  Give us a break!  You’re twenty-eight years old for crying out loud.  I think by that age you are an adult and would know better.  Go figure.

                                                                     EVERBODY IN THE WHOLE CELL BLOCK . . .

Actress Lindsey Lohan reportedly is suing rapper Pitbull and the other two writers of his
No. 1 hit “Give Me Everything” over a lyric that refers to the time she spent
in jail.

LOHAN                        GRRRRR ARF, ARF!!!

Lohan, meanwhile, has been
in talks for a role in the forthcoming “Gotti” biopic , but it isn’t
a sure thing  yet.

Hmmmmmm, she’s mad because some guys wrote lyrics about her being in jail and she’s probably
going to star in a movie about a guy in jail.  Maybe she is going to act as a technical advisor for the movie producers also.

NO NEWS LIKE OLD NEWS

OOOOOOOPPPPPPPSSSSSYYYY!!!!!

From a news report dated November 6, 1999 . . .*

Is this cosmic irony or what? This article brings up two important points. –
Never jump with a borrowed parachute. And maybe this is the reason why they have
rules banning people jumping of cliffs with parachutes.

Yosemite Nation Park, Calif. (AP) — A 60-year-old veteran parachutist plunged
to her death when her chute failed to open after she jumped off the top of the
3200-foot-tall El Capitan to protest park rules banning the extreme sport.

The protest was meant to demonstrate that the jumps can be made safely.

Jan Davis was one of five jumpers who planned to leap off the sheer granite
cliff, a protest organized in response to the June 9 death of a jumper who
successfully parachuted of El Capitan only to drown in the river below while
trying to flee park rangers.

She used borrowed gear because she didn’t want hers to be confiscated by rangers
waiting to arrest her on the valley floor, witnesses said.

The extreme sport of jumping from fixed objects like cliffs or buildings has
been banned on National Park Service land. Nationwide, an estimated 21 people
have died during so-called BASE jumps — the acronym for buildings, antennae,
spans and earth — in the past 20 years.

Let’s see now . . . she was protesting something that is outlawed because it is dangerous.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Wouldn’t this qualify her as a candidate for the Darwin Awards????????

*SEE THE FULL STORY AT  GOOFBALL.COM

****************************************

Pictures and stories taken from the internet sites  www.msn.com and www.goofball.com .

LEGAL STUFF:  All original written material or original graphics are my property (unless otherwise noted), can only be used or reproduced with my written permission and must contain a link or reference to https://contemporarymusings.wordpress.com  when use is permitted. ALL LINKS REFERENCED ON cONTEMPORARY mUSINGS ARE UNSOLICITED AND THE AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG IS NOT COMPENSATED IN ANY FORM, MONETARILY OR OTHERWISE.

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