TELEVISION . . . THE NON-REALITY SIDE

Televison and commercials . . . and you gotta love the commercials.  Years ago with the coming of VHS recorders, Madison Avenue realized that the viewing public got really smart, really quick.  Viewers learned that by recording their favorite tv fare, they could cut viewing time by one quarter just by fast forwarding through the annoying commercials.  Not good for the boys from “Mad Men” however.

But, the ad agencies also got real smart, real fast.  They started making commercials so interesting , so amusing, so . . . assinine that hopefully people would not do the “F/F” thing.  They hoped that the high tech editing and flashy, comedic video would make people want to watch their works of art and thereby buy the products being advertised.  I’m  sure that it had some of the desired effect.  However, in our house we still record and “F/F” through programs whenever possible.  It’s the times we have to watch in real time (ooooohhhhh shudder, shudder, cringe, cringe) that we have to bear up under the burden of watching commercials.

GOOD CLEAN FUN

Case in point, the prescription drug for the latest social disease, “Erectile Dysfunction” or as it is known in polite circles ED.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that there are men out there that experience this malady and I apologize for seeming to be unsympathetic.  Believe me, if I experienced it, I would buy and use it in a heart beat.  As a matter of fact, the first drug developed that eventually became the hotest seller was developed for people with actual cardiac problems, not ED.

Anyway, one of the latest advertising campaigns hawking a drug that I will call, SeeAgra shows a couple in presumably everyday circumstances and suddenly he gets the urge to have a nooner.  Bingo!  Everything in the house begins to literally unfold into the most ridiculous of settings. You can just imagine him saying, “Hey babe, how about out in the backyard in a tent?  I don’t think the neighbors will notice anything suspicious.” Or another one where the couple winds up in a private box at the opera.  Give me a break, do you really think that the sound the audience heard was the fat lady singing?  I don’t think so.

But what I think is best of all is the end of the commercial where the couple is sitting outside in their backyard in separate clawfoot bathtubs.  What neighborhood do they live in?  Our homeowner’s association strictly forbids naked couples sitting outside in clawfoot bathtubs.  Not because it violates any ordinances, but because there is nothing but a bunch of saggy, wrinkled old people living here!

Plumber, Plumber, give me the news!

PIPE DREAMS

Next there is the prescription drug to control incontinence in women.  Here we see a bunch of people, mostly women, made out of copper pipe.  Now, I know it’s supposed to conjure up visions of women having trouble with their “plumbing”,  so do these “pipe” women call a plumber to get their prescriptions?  If that is the case, why don’t they just eat some hair and drink a lot of bacon grease?  That’s what happens all the time at our house, hair in the bathroom drains, grease in the kitchen sink. DUH! We just use a drain cleaner, we don’t call a doctor.

WHAT THE  . . .??????

Then there is the commercial with the brand new, just off the showroom floor, Sport Utility Vehicle looking out over a beautiful desert vista.  The sun is just going down or coming up (I never have figured that one out) and the owners, a father, mother, and three small children are standing alongside, smiling and enjoying the view.  Then the camera slowly zooms out and we see that the vehicle is sitting smack dab in the middle of a fifty story mesa in Monument Valley in the American southwest.

I want to know “Where is Child Protection Services when we really need them?  And the DEA?  You tell me dad wasn’t snorting something before getting in that vehicle!”  Did the AAA plan his route or did he use the PCP?

CAUTION: USE ONLY AS PRESCRIBED

Finally there is what I like to call television “Fine Print”.  That’s where the announcer starts rattling off as fast as possible, possible side effects which I am sure is required by the FDA, the FCC, the FAA, and all of the other federal agencies with three letters beginning with “F”.  Once I recorded a tv drug commercial and replayed it back at a slower speed. If I’m lying I’m dying.  Here is what the announcer said about possible side effects:

          “ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF (NAME OF DRUG) IS RIGHT FOR YOU.  DON’T USE THIS DRUG IF YOU WILL BE DRIVING IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS, ARE PREGNANT OR WOULD LIKE TO GET PREGNANT. WOMEN/MEN SHOULD NOT USE THIS DRUG. ALCOHOL SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT, SMOKING AND CONSUMING ALCOHOL IN AN ESTABLISHMENT WHERE THE BAR MAID HAS MORE TATTOOS THAN THE BAR OWNER. UGLY WOMEN OR WOMEN WHO WERE UGLY AT TEN P.M. BUT ARE NOW BEAUTIFUL AT TWO A.M. SHOULD NOT USE THIS DRUG. MEN WHO ARE SITTING AT A BAR AND SEE PRETTY WOMEN AT TWO A.M. SHOULD REFRAIN FROM USING THIS DRUG UNTIL SOBER.  THE MANUFACTURER OF THIS DRUG IS NOT RESPONSIBLE.”

Honest Rocky, Honestly

GOOD OL’ DAZE

I long for the good old days.  Ah yes, the good old days of tv when commercials didn’t insult our intelligence.  When a furniture store owner got on tv and yelled at the top of his lungs that “We offer the best selection of the finest funiture with the lowest prices with no money down no interest with free delivery within a thousand mile radius with ninety-six months to pay.”

Or the used car guy with the long hair and untied necktie who yelled at the top of his lungs that “You can come on down to our lot and we’ll put you in a clean used car today!  No job, no credit, no problem.  Jus’ tellem Rocky sent yah!”  If you look closely enough you’ll realize that this is the same guy that six months ago was trying to sell you furniture.

Yes sir, commercials with real products and real people we could believe in, that’s what I long for!

NOTICE: NO PIPE PEOPLE OR USED CAR SALESMEN WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG POST.  PLEASE SIT OUTSIDE, NAKED IN CLAWFOOT TUBS RESPONSIBLY.

LEGITIMATE NOTE:  All original written material or original graphics are property of the originator and author of this blog (unless otherwise noted), can only be used or reproduced with my written permission and must contain a link or reference to https://contemporarymusings.wordpress.com  when use is permitted.

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6 thoughts on “TELEVISION . . . THE NON-REALITY SIDE

  1. I don’t know if you have seen the “why did you buy my husband a falcon” commercial, but it is also blog worthy (blogs about stupid stuff). You should join my campaign to rid the world of dumb commercials if I ever stop being too cheap http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-6U. Hopefully one day advertisers will give up on tv all together. Until then thank goodness for DVRs.

  2. Commercials…with Comcast Cable we have a feature called “On Demand” where…at least when it started, you could watch TV shows after their original airing with only a couple minutes of commercials inserted in the show. Fair enough exchange to put up with a couple promos tops. Now…in some cases it looks like they simply rerun the entire half-hour or hour with each and every commercial as originally aired. They must have figured out some of us would rather watch closer to the actual 44 minute show without the additional 16 minutes of commercials. Tricky devils…

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